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5. Long Term Missing Persons This section explores the difficulties of navigating a life for yourself when a loved one remains missing. As suggested in the previous section there are many reasons why a missing person wittingly decides to remain missing . There may be family conflict, or the individual may be struggling with his or her own personal issues. In some circumstances those who remain missing may not return, as they have been the victim of some form of misadventure such as abduction or homicide. Long term missing person's cases can and often are traumatic for the family members and friends. It is a sad reality that hundreds of families in Australia are still awaiting news of a loved one. Earlier in this book a quote was used ‘whatever happens you will survive' and this quote is testament to the families who have lived with an unresolved loss for years and even decades. Never knowing the fate of a loved one is a phenomenon not commonly understood in our society. As a community we struggle with not knowing the answers to our questions; having a loved one remain missing for years can create significant angst and trauma within a family unit. In addition to the difficult of living with such a loss there are also significant hurdles that families of long term missing persons must navigate. The following covers some of the issues that these families deal with. 5.1 The Collection of DNA for investigative purposes As part of the ongoing law enforcement investigation into the disappearance of a missing person Police may collect a DNA sample from a family member. The sample is safely stored for the purposes of assisting in the identification of a person when visual identification is not possible. Samples are taken at differing times dependant on the status of the investigation. For the majority of people who are asked to give a sample to assist in the investigation into a loved ones disappearance their emotional reaction is varied. Some families find it of comfort that they have provided everything they can to assist the Police in resolving a case, some feel that the sample confirms their ultimate fear that their loved one may be deceased and others feel a sense of surprise that the Police would be contemplating a negative end to an investigation. It is important that you ask the Police the purpose why they are collecting the sample. Is the sample to be stored for comparisons in the future or do the Police feel that an unidentified body may be that of the person you are searching for? These are difficult questions to ask but in finding the answers families have a sense of control as to how to prepare themselves for the possibility of bad news. You may also wish to have some support available for you while you give the sample as some families have spoken about the clinical way in which a swab is taken. Having a counsellor, family member or friend to sit either with you or afterwards may assist you in coping with the sadness that accompanies the recognition that perhaps a missing person may not be returning home. 5.2 Coronial Inquests Police reports a missing person case to the State Coroner's Office when they have reasonable grounds to believe that a missing person is deceased. This may be soon after the person went missing, or many years later. Some families find this referral difficult to cope with, as they may not be in agreement with the Police that there is enough evidence to suggest that a missing person is deceased. The State Coroners Office provides assistance through the Coronial Information and Support program to support families and friends of missing people. Details of the program can be found in Chapter seven of this resource. A referral to the State Coroner's Office does not confirm that an inquest will be held or that the Coroner will concede that a missing person is presumed to be deceased. As with the collection of DNA samples families need to speak to their investigating officer to gain a clearer understanding as to why the matter has been referred. Independent legal advice may also be useful if families are in disagreement about the details of a case. As with the multitude of issues faced by families of long term missing persons surrounding yourself with support and ensuring you have all the information available to you is key to surviving the ongoing trauma of a loved ones disappearance. A fact sheet developed by the National Missing Persons Coordination Centre explores the ways in which families can navigate the coronial process in relation to missing person's investigations. 5.3 Managing the financial affairs of a missing person Sometimes when we are unsure how long a person may be away for, details such as their financial affairs can become neglected. In the past families have been placed under significant emotional and financial strain when left with the quandary of not knowing what to do next when someone vanishes. Prior to 2004 families and friends of missing persons had to wait up to 7 years before they could be granted probate to deal with the estate of a missing person. However following a number of years of lobbying by agencies and families of missing persons amendments to the Protected Estates Act where made to enable an application to be made to the Supreme Court to have someone appointed to manage the estate of a missing person 90 days after the missing person was last seen. This allows a person to be appointed to manage the affairs of a person whilst they remain missing. Family members, friends or a representative from the Office of the Protective Commissioner can be granted this power by the NSW Supreme Court. For more information about the Protected Estates Amendment (Missing Persons) Act 2004 No 86. Please visit the Families and Friends of Missing Persons Unit site where you can find specific information about how to navigate the Supreme Court Additional information can be found in Chapter Seven of this guide. 5.4 When a missing person is found deceased Sometimes the discovery of a missing loved one is not always favourable. Family members and friends may be notified by police that the missing person is deceased. This can give rise to a mixture of emotions. There may be feelings of relief that the search is finally over. The anxiety has subsided and there is a sense of ‘knowing'. Family members and friends may feel that they are able to seek some resolution for they now have the opportunity to formally farewell their loved one. At the same time there may be feelings of grief and loss that finally surface once your fears have been confirmed. Family members and friends now mourn the loss of their loved one with greater certainty. They are also saddened and disappointed that their search efforts did not end with a better discovery – one that would reunite them with their loved one. Accompanying these feelings is often a sense of bewilderment and confusion. With the news that their loved one is deceased, family members and friends have a limited opportunity to learn about the circumstances that led up to the missing person's absence. Often they are left wondering about the possible answers to their many questions. As mentioned in the preceding section, preoccupation with unanswered questions can continue to stifle daily living. The ability to concentrate and carry out responsibilities may be hindered. When we live for long periods with an ambiguous loss some families begin to get used to not knowing, once a death has been confirmed that glimmer of hope that the person may be alive is extinguished. There are no further possibilities available to them. Families may continue to seek assistance from their counsellor or they may wish to seek alternate support from bereavement services. There is no need to make quick decisions, do what you feel will be of greater support to you. 5.5 The Long Wait – When a missing person remains missing Although the majority of missing persons are located , a number are not. Many family members and friends have waited years, and continue to wait, for news of their loved one. They go on with their daily lives while never losing sight of a possible reunion: ‘Each day when I wake up I don't think its another day that I haven't seen my daughter I think its another day closer to her coming home' The journey travelled by these family members and friends often becomes more manageable in time. Yet, it is still a difficult path. Emotions can continue to fluctuate indefinitely, akin to a turbulent roller coaster ride. This is because the experience of loss remains uncertain and lacks clarity. Although reported sightings of the missing person can bring hope to family members and friends, the reports can also “rekindle a grief that was beginning to heal” . This in turn can intensify the swing of the emotional pendulum, which swings between feelings of hope or contentment, and feelings of despair. It is important to recognise that this is a normal part of the journey travelled by the family members and friends of missing persons. Unfortunately, though there is no quick solution – “people must find their own way out of the ambiguity” . However, with the support and guidance of an experienced counsellors and mental health service provider the emotional swings can become more manageable. Henderson and Henderson (1998) . |
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